Answers

I'm always suprised when I actually get a straight answer from God. I'm not saying he doesn't speak in suprising ways, but when I stress out over little details in my life, and then complain that God isn't telling me what to do, he has these amazing ways of answering me. Sometimes I don't like the response, but it's always what's best for me, because that's just how God works. He'll take care of me.

For example, I recently decided to start looking for a new job. I hate job hunting, especially now, because it seems like no one is hiring. Even if I do end up getting a call back from the applications I put in, there's the interview process, which I hate even more than looking for a job. I hate the idea that I have to make a person like me right off the bat, in order to start making a living. It's almost easier for me to just say, "Oh well, I can't do it, so I might as well just stay here at the job I have. I might not like it, but it's really a good job, and maybe I'm just not being grateful enough for what I have." However, I know I need a career change. It's not that it's a terrible job, it's just not a healthy environment for me to be in during this stage of my life. I work in a Medical Records department of a residential treatment facility for children who have sexually acted out. In my work, I come across information every day involving what these kids have done, most of them as a result of things that were done to them. It breaks my heart every time someone new is admitted, and as hard as I try not to read the papers in front of me, a single phrase can jump off the page and remind me over and over of the intense depravity of mankind. It's a reality, I know, but it's something that I'm just not prepared to deal with just yet. Later on in life, I'm sure I could come back to this job and excel, but right now, this is simply not the job for me. I've been in prayer, and I've been reading my Bible, asking God if quitting my job is really what he wants me to do, and I just haven't been sure. Even if I quit, there's no guarantee that I'll find another full time job with benefits where I can make the same salary I do here. I've sent applications and resumes, and still have heard nothing, other than one opportunity that is very, very part time (as in, I'd work a couple hours every other week). I was still being moved to leave the position that I have, but with no prospective job in sight. I would have to leave my safe, secure job without a backup, and just hope that God sends me something before I go broke. That's incredibly scary!

So, earlier today, I had sent a text message to my fiance that read, "I know God knows what he's doing, but I really wish he'd let me in on the plan." Then, literally right after that, in my reading today, I came across these verses:

Psalm 127:1-2 "Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good. It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones."

I make more than enough money to live. I do have rent and other utilities, as well as some debts to pay off, but even with all that, I make so much more than what I need. I probably spend around $200-$300 a month just on unneccessaries (I think that's a word!) such as clothes, home decorations, art supplies, and eating out. That's not including my grocery bill, which is normally around $150 every time I go to Wal-Mart (every two weeks), and that's just for me! I work really really hard to get all these things that I don't need, and God's telling me to let go, take a rest, and work to acquire just enough to get by. With all that free time, of course, I'm sure I still need to pursue other goals, such as writing and painting, and other things I'm being called by him to do. I don't like the idea of working just enough to pay bills, and not having that "wiggle room," but I'm positive everything I need will be taken care of in one way or another.

It's time for me to start focusing on more than just work, and stuff, so I can pursue what God really has in store for me. The phrase 'leap of faith' is very over-used, but I'm using it here. Of course, it doesn't qualify as passion if I don't act on what I say, so here's my promise to you guys: I'll be typing up my two week's notice tonight, and it will be turned in tomorrow. I'll keep ya'll posted on what God does after that.