I designed this blog to express my opinion. I wanted to be sure of what I said, and never say anything that wasn't well thought through and rational, all while being passionate. However, I am writing this at 2 AM, while being out with my best friend bar-hopping here in town. This is not the most rational time to be writing. This is when I should be in bed. I mean, I have to work in the morning. But, this is something I won't be able to fall asleep without putting down in print.
I want to know where God wants me.
I want to know, what profession he see's me in that will allow me to bring hope to the most people. I want more than what I have. I am almost in tears, writing that statement, but it's true. I want more than Fayetteville, more than Arkansas, more than the individualistic mindset of the U.S. I want to reach as many people as I can with the hope that Christ offers, and I don't know how to get there.
I know I have been given gifts, whether in my voice, or my experience, or my writing skills, or even the capability of acting. I just don't know how to use them. I know people are generally not supposed to air their complaints, but I am really tired of knowing the steps without knowing the plan.
I am tired of feeling like I am trapped by this responsibility that most people call 'Rent.' I don't actually want to find another job, and not because I'm lazy (because God knows I can tend to stray towards that vice), but because a job gets in the way of what I want to do.
I want to depend on Him for everything I need, but I don't know how.
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grace, i remember crying one time after we had relocated to a town in which i couldn't continue my degree. we were there for alex's career, and i hadn't finished school. i knew it was my heart's desire to be a teacher, but here i was in a duplex with no friends and working at a steak and ale restaurant as a hostess and admin ass't. i knew there was something else i was supposed to be doing. it was another three years by the time we moved back to DFW and i finished the degree, did my student teaching, and started working. i've never felt my work was in vain since. i don't want to mislead you, because i am a huge believer in education. it would be my opinion you need to just bite the bullet and do whatever crummy job you have to so you can finish your writing education. from the sound of your calling, tho, it sounds as if missions may be in your future. a degree isn't going to hurt you in that, but i wouldn't want to be the big blabbermouth who kept you from going when you were supposed to go right away!! anyway, just a word to tell you it wasn't easy for all of us, and that you can do it. it's hard to be patient when you have the desire to do more, but stick with it!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Teresa said, education can open a lot of doors and it gets harder to finish the older you get.
ReplyDeleteIt is so difficult to wait on The Lord to show you your path in life. Now, at nearly 29, I feel pretty certain I know mine, but I have only known for 2-3 years. My mission field is in my home, to foster kids. Even though I have always felt such compassion toward abused animals and children, I didn't know it was purpose until The Lord decided to reveal it to me. I can't say that I know why he waited to show me, other then he likely had to do some work within me in order to be ready.
I just wanted to tell you that to encourage you. It's frustrating when we are 20 years old and everyone around us seems to know what they want to do. He doesn't have the same plan for all of us. I'll be praying for you that you are able to find peace while you wait.