3 Pages

I got to work an hour early today, but not on purpose. I thought we opened at the same time on Saturdays, and it turns out, we actually open an hour later. While I was waiting on someone to unlock the restaurant, I had some free time to write, and I would like to share with all of you three pages from this morning's writings.

Page 1: (written after I had spent 1/2 an hour watching the cars go by on Dickson)

I love people watching. I'm not entirely sure why but I think it has to do with the fact that everyone I see has a story. Each person I come into contact with has been born, had a childhood, had their first real crush, and is not that different from myself. They might drive a fancy car, or dye their hair blue, or prefer tea over coffee, but underneath all those external differences, they are all just people. A lot of them have the same fears and insecurities as the rest of the people in the world. Some just have enough money, or charm, or charisma to cover up those insecurities. Most people are afraid of being alone (which makes sense, because humans were designed to be relational beings). That fear will drive people to find a social group they can fit into, whether it be intellectual, nerd, goth, or even "Christian." I use the quotation marks to clarify the difference between those people who call themselves "Christians" and go to church on Sunday simply to fulfill a social obligation rather than those people who genuinely claim the name of Christ. I used to be one of those people: all my friends were from church, so I had to agree with their apologetics. I had all the right answers in Sunday School, I could sing a lot of hymns from memory, and I could even quote the entire book of James. An yet, i didn't believe it. I wanted to go out and drink, and party, and be "cool," but since my parents wouldn't let me, and my friends wouldn't want to do any of that, I never got the chance to be wild until I moved out. The point of all this is:
People will always try to find companionship by segregating themselves into different groups. That sucks, because people are just people. They all have their own stories and similarities.

Page 2: (after some contemplation about myself, and written to God)

I asked for time with You, and now I have it,
and yet I don't know what to say.
Should I apologize for all I've done,
in an effort to gain grace?
I know that vying for your favor
does nothing for the debt you've paid
and yet I sometimes struggle with
just how freely I was saved.
I still screw up from time to time,
and I know it's not just me,
but what is it in our nature
that makes us try to hide what you have seen?
My disappointments simply mean
I'm still human, saved by you,
and yet my failures keep stacking up,
as my conquests continue to be few.
I gave my life to follow you
and yet I'm still in the same place,
afraid to move away from
where I'm comfortable and safe.
It's still outside my comfort zone
to share your words with those around,
even though the charge you've given me is
to speak so that the lost are found.
I know that my desire to help
shows my seed-sized faith,
yet sometimes there are times I think
my fear keeps mountains into place.

(I don't want fame or recognition, I'm just tired of doing nothing.)

Page 3: (an answer from God, after praying for some guidance. This is one of those answers that I heard as something outside of my own mind. It's a portion of the guidance I've been looking for.)


"You don't have to go to far away places to be a missionary. You can do that right here in Fayetteville."

Fayetteville is my mission field. Now, what's the next step? (Oh, and quit being scared! If God is for you, who can be against you?)